Sex with my ex? Not gonna happen. Here’s the story. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that my debut novel, Pairs With Life, hits the bookshelves this September. For the audiobook version, I decided to take more of a “radio drama” approach and hire actors to play the parts of all the different characters. One of my oldest friends, Ben Gorman, now a successful stage actor in Ohio, is playing the role of billionaire game designer and arch-dickhead Brogan Prescott, while Christine Trice will be playing the role of the bold and mischievous Sydney Cameron.
Yes, that Christine Trice: the former co-host of the Pairs With Life Podcast and She Who Dumped My White Ass earlier in the year. Why have her do it? Well, we had talked about it before (“before” being “before she dropped me like the Coyote drops an anvil on the Road Runner’s head”) and thought it would be a lot of fun. Of course, back then, “fun” wasn’t just recording audio tracks together, it was hey-we’re-in-the-same-room-together-so-we-should-have-sex fun. But it soon became obvious: sex with my ex wasn’t going to happen anymore.
Nonetheless, it still felt like a good idea for both of us to do the audiobook together. Could this be a sign of…maturity? The insane notion that I could simply embrace the platonic awesomeness of our friendship and carry on like grown-ups should? I don’t know, because I know of absolutely zero adults who behave this way with their ex-girlfriends. Why would Mr. 12-Year-Old Trapped In A Decaying Middle-Aged Body be somehow different?
And so, we decided to move forward with the project. We set up and recorded at her house, just like we used to do with the podcast. And that gave me an idea: why not also record an episode of the podcast together, just like old times? It’d give us a chance to catch up – ask questions, like, “Why did you dump me like a load of radioactive waste?” “Do you hate me or just like seeing me in pain?” or “How many nights did you laugh over my emotional agony?”
I jest. (Sort of). In truth, I wondered if I’d ask The Deep Questions, but in the end, they no longer seemed important or relevant. A case of the aforementioned maturity? Perhaps. But as we chatted with platonic ease, it simply occurred to me that none of that stuff was important anymore. Friendships are scarce. People who care about you genuinely are few and far between. Why let anything as
spiritually rejuvenating and immaculately perfect mundane as sex get in the way?
So, on the latest episode of the podcast, Christine and I catch up, discussing everything from her work as a doula to her cool new “Drink Wine And Vote” T-shirts, and all points in between. And we also sip on some delicious Vinum Cellars Chenin Blanc from Clarksburg, which at $15 per bottle needs to be your Remainder-of-Summer go-to wine.
UPDATE: Soooo…that didn’t happen. (Not the sex with my ex part). As much as I wanted to turn the audiobook into a radio play, I couldn’t put all the pieces together. So the audiobook is going to feature just be me, yours truly, basically reading the book. I won’t use character voices, because this book is for people over the age of ten. But it will have some cool additional features and should be ready by June 1st.