Smile, Though Your Punt Is Aching

It’s no secret that I want my daughter to become the first sommelier to get certified before the age of ten..though it might be a secret to Child Protective Services, so maybe we should keep this little tidbit under the hat. There’s no doubt she’s got the skills. She single-handedly developed the Unicorn Fart Scale …

Kids, God and The Slutty Path

“Daddy,” my four-year-old asked me, “should I take The Slutty Path?” Its been three years since my Perfect Unicorn Princess asked me this little gem at random, and I still remember the feeling of two full ounces of Lodi Old Vine Zinfandel spraying out my nose when it happened (and thinking the wine tasted the …

Happy Birthday, Mr. Taylor! Here’s Your Gross, Old Wine.

I have a birthday this week, and I’m going to be old. Seriously, if I don’t die of old age before I’m finished writing this, I will officially be the oldest person you’ve ever known. Like, take the most ancient person on the planet, add 37 years to that, and that’s how old I’m going …

Schrodinger’s Chardonnay, Part 1

Back in high school, I was a nerd. Now, to put this in context, when I was in high school,  we had to share crosswalk space with dinosaurs and bands had names like “Kajagoogoo.” Granted, I was not your typical Coke-bottle-glasses-wearing, pocket-protector-sportin’ nerd, nor did I eat my boogers. (However, if I did choose to …

My Conversation This Morning With My 3-Year-Old On The Way To Preschool

“Hey Daddy, what’s your favorite farm animal?” “Great question! Hmmm…I’m partial to pigs, myself.” “There are no pigs on the farm.” “Oh, OK. How about chickens?” “There are no chickens on the farm. Daddy, are there ghosts on the farm?” “Um, you mean ‘goats?’ Sure, there are goats on the farm.” “There are ghosts on …

%d bloggers like this: