How Do You Know You’re an adult?
I remember the exact moment I became an adult. Though in truth, it wasn’t a moment, but rather a grueling, all-night metamorphosis.
Adulting is Hard
“OK! I Love You!”
Last Friday, I told my landlord I loved her. This was most unfortunate, considering that I do not, in fact, love her. It’s not like we’re married. Truth be told, I can barely tolerate the woman. Six months ago, I bounced the rent check, and… Read More »“OK! I Love You!”
The Top Five Things I Did When I Disappeared
I am not one to make blog posts about News of My Life, mostly because my life just isn’t that interesting. Like everyone else, I breathe, I eat, I work, I sleep and I scratch myself inappropriately at random times. In my opinion, this does… Read More »The Top Five Things I Did When I Disappeared
My Name Is John, And I Used To Watch The Bachelor
Why did I stop? Was it an emotional evolution into Enlightened Malehood? My gradual, social progress into becoming Sensitive Man Bun Guy? No, not at all. I’ve tried to get my hair to do that and it won’t.
Winning The Lottery
I am sitting in the cool, autumn air of the River Terrace Inn patio bar in Napa, a Tanqueray & Tonic in hand, staring at my winning lottery ticket. I am now a very, very rich man. This week’s jackpot was a cool $40 million,… Read More »Winning The Lottery
Happy Birthday, Mr. Taylor! Here’s Your Gross, Old Wine.
I have a birthday this week, and I’m going to be old. Seriously, if I don’t die of old age before I’m finished writing this, I will officially be the oldest person you’ve ever known. Like, take the most ancient person on the planet, add… Read More »Happy Birthday, Mr. Taylor! Here’s Your Gross, Old Wine.
Wine Shopping To The Oldies
But there was something else about hearing this Rolling Stones song on the market PA system that was bugging me, something I couldn’t place. I began to think it was the feeling of being targeted…