The Pairs With Life Blog

  • The Man Who Died Five Times

    Random people talk to me. Specifically, people I've never met come up to me at random and confess weird shit about themselves. I have a theory about this now: a theory that goes against pretty much everything I've believed up until this point in my life.
  • Catching Up With Christine

    I know, I’ve been a terrible blogger…apparently it has been two years since I posted one of these! I’ve missed staying in touch with you! I thought I’d take this time to get you all up-to-date on what’s been happening in my world lo’ these many months...

  • 3 Ways Your Cat Secretly Hates You

    Cats are horrible. I should know. I have one. I have been both a Dog Person and a Cat Person at various stages of my life, and currently I’d have to describe myself as an Indentured Cat Person. Like most things, I blame this on my daughters.
  • Unhappy Sex Face

    She went on to explain that I wasn’t the first partner to have noticed her unfortunate affliction, and she had come to realize there was little she could do about it. Unhappy Sex Face was a variation of Resting Bitch Face. Despite the fact that she was truly enjoying herself, her involuntary expression was a lot less Let’s get naked and a lot more Let’s get waterboarded.
  • The Tooth Fairy, Equality, Good Greek Merlot and Other Myths

    On a recent early morning, my nine-year-old daughter emerged from her bedroom, wearing that look I've come to recognize as either meaning, "I have covered the entire bedroom in pink glitter and you will love it" or "I have discovered the hard way that the cat doesn't like swimming." The truth was closer to the latter than the former.
  • "OK! I Love You!"

    I want to blame all of this on the wine, because it's a way better excuse than more likely causes, such as old age, Zoloft consumption, or the soul-imploding monotony of a day job. Either way, my wires are getting crossed. I slip into conversational auto-pilot, and what is typically a salutation reserved for my family and closest friends gets accidentally thrown out at random to strangers
  • The Feminism of Farting

    My first thought was that the experience would probably be completely different than raising boys. Specifically, there'd be no way girls would think farting is funny, because women simply don't think that way. I have not had a wife/girlfriend/horrifying date who thought it was amusing in the least when I sounded the Butt Trumpet. That had to be a man-gene thing, and I would need to monitor this behavior around my sweet, precious, non-toxic girls.
  • What Wine Pairs With A Lousy Boyfriend

    Why do we stay? Why do we leave? Why do we get dumped when we don't expect it and not get dumped when we do? As a guy who has had about ninety-six failed relationships, I have given this conundrum quite a bit of thought. And I believe it all comes down to the following equation:

    D = (B - T) x E