I want to blame all of this on the wine, because it's a way better excuse than more likely causes, such as old age, Zoloft consumption, or the soul-imploding monotony of a day job. Either way, my wires are getting crossed. I slip into conversational auto-pilot, and what is typically a salutation reserved for my family and closest friends gets accidentally thrown out at random to strangers
My first thought was that the experience would probably be completely different than raising boys. Specifically, there'd be no way girls would think farting is funny, because women simply don't think that way. I have not had a wife/girlfriend/horrifying date who thought it was amusing in the least when I sounded the Butt Trumpet. That had to be a man-gene thing, and I would need to monitor this behavior around my sweet, precious, non-toxic girls.
Why do we stay? Why do we leave? Why do we get dumped when we don't expect it and not get dumped when we do? As a guy who has had about ninety-six failed relationships, I have given this conundrum quite a bit of thought. And I believe it all comes down to the following equation:
D = (B - T) x E