I’m leaving it to your own relative sense of bigly-ness to decide how big this announcement is., but here it goes…
I’d like to take about five minutes to tell you the story of my daughter’s mysterious hamster disappearance, and why it’s hard to get a good glass of wine at a dive bar.
The madness started at age 12. My brother Steve, who was 14 at the time, walked into my room and said, “I want to do this talent show but I need a full band. You have two weeks to learn the mandolin.” So I did. And we won.
This is the sort of behavior that lands you in Group, as in a Group that starts each session with “My name is John T. and I nearly went emo AF on Facebook with a 1970’s lyric.”
If you’re faced with dozens or even a couple hundred wine choices at the grocery store, and you’ve got one entire Alexander Hamilton burning a hole in your pocket, here are four ways to help identify a great value in the crowd:
I recently discovered that I have been stricken with a strange affliction: I suddenly can’t dance. I’m not saying I was the Second Coming of Michael Jackson or Fred Astaire to begin with, but I had my moves, executed them well, and could mostly avoid snark and condemnation at weddings and clubs. But that has all gone away.
Look, it happens to all of us: you find this wine for under ten bucks that looks like it may be a killer bargain, and when you pop that cork you discover you just made an investment in grape-flavored ass juice. No judgment here. Trader Joes’ wine section doesn’t come with a warning sign above …
A result of this feminist opportunity isn’t so much role reversal as it is role inclusion: women get to experience things that were once reserved exclusively for men. Awesome things, like working 14 hours a day in a cubicle, being responsible for the livelihoods of 800 people and having a DefCon 5 Midlife Crisis.
She sprawled across my Ikea Ektorp sleeper sofa like something out of an Audrey Hepburn movie, destroying me with one of the funniest stories I’d ever heard. When she finally reached the end, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. There was something happening here. Something weird, something different.
Love is lightning that explodes with thunder without counting Mississippis. Love is chemistry and mayhem. Love is unlimited free pizza delivery by unicorn. But love is also 14 hour workdays without end. Love is changing the diaper at 4 AM when you did it at 2 AM and 12 AM